New Signal Signifies Need for The Carl

Where is the Carl?

In a clear indication of just how greatly the denizens of Arena.net need the Carl, a new Carl signal in a shape reminiscent of design of the Carl Guild's cape was installed this past week. When a desperate need for the Carl arises, the signal is lit and a giant Carl signal is projected into the sky. Construction of a "Carlmobile" which can travel at top speeds and shoot lethal corn kernels or expel noxious fumes (only functional when an elf is on-board) is also planned once a body in the shape of a large piece of candy corn can be acquired.

It is expected that the signal will be used in the following circumstances in which the Carl's presence would be invaluable:

• Endangered corn.
• Excess efficiency or seriousness while questing needs defusing.
• An urgent need for yak or dolyak porn.
• Nipple-dying is desired.
• Wombats need stuffing.
• Filthy minkeys need putting in their place.
• Pants need fancying.
• Mini pets need walking.
• Toes need twinkling.
• Fireworks displays are required.
• Incoherence is wished for.
• Excess sanity needs diffusing.
  
• Free booze needs removal.
• Pelvis-thrusting dance-work (whether desired or not).
  

During the first use of the signal, the Carl mobilized within seconds and struck out from Carlhalla to respond to the emergency. Several hours later, the signalers were still standing on the signal platform waiting for their saviors. CARL" doesn't stand for "Confused And Ridiculously Lost" for nothing.