Wearing Out Our Sharon

It has come to the attention of the Carls that the filthy minkeys have been overusing our Sharon. Now, we can understand the urge to use our Sharon because she's one of the few players who knows what she's doing most of the time. In fact, one of the wags in our alliance once referred to her as "CarlWiki" because she seems to have the answers to all questions. However, we must protest this over-use of our Sharon.

The situation in which we are finding ourselves (that is, us, the glorious Carl) is that, by the time Shawn and I log in and are ready to have ourselves some Carlish fun, Sharon has already been played with for 2-3 hours. Often, she has been consorting with monkeys during long and difficult missions. By the time you are finished with her, she's in a ragged and almost spent state. Her batteries are practically drained and she's dirty and disheveled. Frankly, we're too impatient to put her in the recharger and too lazy to tidy her up so we'd just rather you stopped using her before we get a chance to do so. If you can't play gently with her and return her to us in her original state, you can't play with her before us. You can have her when we're done. She was ours first, after all.

In conclusion, I must impress on you filthy minkeys that, as Shawn stated in the preceding post, Sharon is a vital cog in the Carl machine. Without her, we are an imbalanced entity and have no idea how to complete quests or find our way around the game. In fact, you'd be surprised at how hopeless Shawn and I are at accomplishing anything without her presence. Okay, so you wouldn't be surprised. My point is that she's ours and you can't have her so stop "borrowing" her and wearing her out. It's our job to tax her patience and fatigue her and it's a responsibility we enjoy. It's pretty much the only responsibility we enjoy.

(Note: In case there are any humor-impaired minkeys out there, I'll say that my tongue is in my cheek. That may actually arouse some of you perverse monkeys, but trust me that it has to do with indicating this post is not to be taken seriously and not some disgusting monkey sex thing.)

Errant Carl Located

Godly Carl, seen here is his trademark drag get-up, does a cowardly dash from an enemy (as is also his trademark behavior).

Godly Carl, who was reported missing some time ago, was spotted after a long absence from his Carlish brethren fleeing from a large burning Charr effigy. It is unknown why the incensed effigy was chasing Godly, but his fellow Carls suspect that he may have been offering it unwelcome fashion tips. When Healing spotted the wayward Carl, she instructed Tankarific to "incapacitate him!" Since "incapacitate" is at least 4 syllables more than Tankarific can understand in his oft-inebriated state, he responded with, "Tanakarific smash with axe?" With an eye-roll and a look of total exasperation at her alcohol-addled companion, Healing Carl shouted, "yes!"

Godly refuses to look at Tankarific as he is miffed at him for ripping his favorite dress and hogtying him.

Tankarific Carl then stepped on the wayward transvestite's dress to trip him, hit him on the head with the blunt side of his axe and dragged him back to Carlhalla for questioning. Unfortunately, Godly was far from cooperative and remained tight-lipped about his adventures away from home. The Carls suspect he may have been in cahoots with the people who sabotaged the Guild Hall some time ago. It's also possible that he simply ran off and had a hissy fit because of the alliance with the filthy minkeys. Either way, Godly has been grounded and informed that he cannot have any corn for 2 weeks as a punishment for his capriciousness.

A decision has not been made as to whether further coercion should be employed in order to force a confession out of Godly as he is notoriously difficult to influence. However, if his tongue doesn't loosen in due time, the Carls may be forced to take the drastic step of making him dress like a man. There is a great risk that acting on such a threat will send him off into a corner where he will weep like a little girl until given a petticoat to wear. Drastic times, however, call for Carlish measures.

Carl Joins With Filthy Minkeys

The Carl has abandoned it's alliance with NUDE-ists in favor of hanging out with filthy MNKYs. When the lead Carl asked the other Carls how they felt about allying themselves with monkeys instead of nudists, the other Carls pondered the ramifications of associating with a bunch of feces-throwing, bug-eating persons who prefer bananas to corn and swing from trees as opposed to associating with free-spirited perverts who have abandoned their outer apparel along with their modesty and good taste.

In the end, the Carl decided the important thing was that someone, anyone, would be subjected to the inane prattle and rampant lunacy that is the Carl. The Carl is relatively indifferent to who it inflicts itself upon just as it is indifferent to so very, very many things (other than corn). Also, frankly, pondering ramifications makes the Carl want to take a nap.

In honor of this new alliance with the filthy minkeys, we present to you the inspiration for the Carl's affectionate sobriquet for the MNKY guild: