Inebriated Journalist Libels The Carl

"Shing Jea Sherman" slanders Tankarific Carl during a recent foray to Tarnished Haven.

A drunken "journalist" from the Monastery Gazette stood in the town of Tarnished Haven and loudly insulted passersby. The so-called news reporter goes by the sobriquet "Shing Jea Sherman", and seemed to have nothing better to do with his time than to stand around making loud, slurred, and often derogatory proclamations about those who had the misfortune to walk in his general vicinity.

Sherman remarks on what he mistakenly concludes is Tankarific's obsession with displying and mounting preserved heads.

In addition to remarking on the addictions, questionable parentage, and body odors of those who unknowingly wandered into his field of view, Sherman accused the Carl of having a fetish for displaying the heads of decapitated foes. While the Carl possesses a great many fetishes such as those for smocks, wombats, corn, fancy pants, and nipple-dying, it possesses no taxidermic proclivity which could technically be considered a fetish. It's actually more of a hobby.

State secrets spill from the mouth of an idiot.

Though Sherman's random slanderous commentary was a nuisance, it paled in comparison to his troubling public announcements regarding top secret Carl behavior. In addition to talking about Tankarific's status as an Ebon Vanguard secret agent in a non-secure fashion, Sherman also rambled on about the secrets of corn, Koss's amazing Afro power and how it can be employed to scour even the most stubborn dried-on, burnt-on food in roasting pans, and, most devastatingly, where the Carl purchases its vast collection of sequined underpants.

Said Tankarific Carl, "we have ways of dealing with the likes of Sherman, though I'm currently too drunk to remember what they are."